Dear boy who broke my heart,
Thank you for teaching me at such a young age that it’s okay to make mistakes; that it’s okay to take risks and not be sorry about it. Because if I had never fallen for you, I wouldn’t realize that there are two kinds of people in this world: the ones that either pull or push you. You did both to me.
Thank you for pulling me; for crushing my self-esteem and telling me that I will never be worth anything; for taking advantage of knowing how I felt for you; for saying straight to my face that I was ugly and I will never find someone who would accept me completely…because I wasn’t “the type of girl guys would want to date.”
Ha! You were a jerk, indeed! But what does the 14-year-old version of me supposed to feel at that time? I believed that teenage, puppy love was the right kind of love and that the world would seize to exist if the first love of my life didn’t love me back. People’s opinion mattered. Even if in reality, I shouldn’t have listened to them…or to you.
I wish I knew then what I knew now. But hey! Where’s the thrill in that, right?
Thank you for pushing me; for making me see that before I love someone else, I needed to love myself first. I needed to see the things that make me beautiful and the imperfections that make me human and real. I know that if you hadn’t come into my life, I wouldn’t realize all these things…the hard way.
Thank you for encouraging me to be the best person I can be. It’s not even intended to get back at you or make you eat all your words. Because deep down, I’ve always known that I deserve so much better.
Thank you for being the plot twist in my story that I will tell my future daughter someday. When she comes up to me and asks “Mom, what’s it like being in love?” I will tell her that it’s one of the best things that will ever happen to her. But she doesn’t need to rush into it…because true love waits; it shouldn’t be destructive or self-degrading. It should be wonderful and unconditional and inspiring. I will tell her that before she gives herself to another person, she should first be confident about her whole being, including her flaws; I will tell her that it’s okay to be afraid; that there is no guarantee of a happy ending. But the journey and the right person will all be worth it.
So to you, dear boy who broke my heart, know that I am not upset or bitter anymore. In fact, I am truly grateful.
Thank you for being that chapter in my life; the one I will always call “The Lesson Learned.”
I wish you the best.
The much better version of me
*Intended as spoken word poetry*